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Computer Terms - 23-February-2008, 15:40

Computer Terms

Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for doesnt work.
Software undergoes beta testing shortly before its released. Beta is Latin for still doesnt work.
Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger Duffy Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to overthrow Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his invention as a gift to the dictator. The plot worked. On April 8, 1945, Hitler became so enraged at the Incompatible File Format error message that he shot himself. The war ended soon after Hitlers death, and Duffy began working for IBM.
Central Propulsion Unit. The CPU is the computers engine. It consists of a hard drive, an interface card, and a tiny spinning wheel thats powered by a running rodenta gerbil if the machine is a 286 model, a ferret if its a 386, and a ferret on speed if its a 486.
Default Directory
Black Hole. Default directory is where all the files that you need disappear to.
Error Message
Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for the programs shortcomings.
A document that has been saved with an unidentifiable name. It helps to think of a file as something stored in a file cabinetexcept when you try to remove the file, the cabinet gives you an electric shock and tells you the file format is unknown (which can kill you, just ask Hitler).
Collective term for any computer-related object that can be kicked or battered when inclined to do so.
The feature that assists in generating more questions. When the Help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning a damn thing.
Information is input from the keyboard as intelligible data and output to the printer as unrecognizable crap.
Of computer components, the most generous in terms of variety, and the skimpiest in terms of quantity.
A joke in poor taste. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray, and the blinking red light.
Computer avengers. Once members of that group of high school nerds who wore tape on their glasses, played Dungeons and Dragons, and memorized Star Trek episodes; now millionaires who create user friendly software to get revenge on whoever gave them noogies.
Reference Manual
Object used to raise the monitor to eye level. Also handy to compensate for that short table leg.
Scheduled Release Date
A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.
User Friendly
Of or pertaining to any feature, device, or concept that makes perfect sense to a programmer.
Collective term for those who stare blankly at a monitor. Users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate, and expert. Novice users are those who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users are those who dont know how to fix their computer after theyve just pressed a key that broke it. And expert users are those who break other peoples computers.

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01-March-2008, 18:31

Funny. Dindn't know this one... ehehhe
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