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Cool Some Old and Some New - 20-December-2007, 02:00


Man says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night; I dreamt you got run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing'.

My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex with his patients. It's a real shame 'cause he's a really good vet.

Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading 'For sale clitoris licking frog.' She goes in and the shopkeeper says 'Bonjour Madame'.

Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much, it scared the s**t out of me. So today I decided I'm never reading again.

Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, The Security guard asks her 'what's your Mum like?' Little girl replies 'Big ****s and vodka'.

The boss has to lay off Ann or Jack. Ann walks into the office.
The boss says 'I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off.....
Ann says 'You better jack off, I've got a headache'.

Sorry I haven't been in touch, a friend was rushed to hospital to have a dangerous mole removed from his penis...... he won't be shagging one of those again!

Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of tinsel.... They say it's only for the Christmas period.

Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite, the receptionist asks 'do you have reservations?' The bride answers 'Yes, I won't take it up the ar**'

A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust bigger. He said 'try rubbing toilet paper between your tits - it's worked for your arse'.

A couple in a cafe in Manchseter asks 'Can you settle an argument for us and pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?'
The waitress leaned over and said 'BURRR - GURRR - KING'.

It's important to keep fit as you get older. My granny started walking 5 kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she's 97 and we don't know where the hell she is!

By mahar116
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